There are probably many ways a person could classify how we as humans go
about communicating. However, to make matters simple let us just assume there are
two general methods. The first is verbal: The words that we say which, when we put
them together in a certain pattern, will have a meaning or meanings to someone else.
The second method of communication is non-verbal: Everything else besides the words
we are putting together in sentences.
There are those in the communication business who suggest that as much as 80%
or 90% of the total communication that occurs between people is non-verbal.
They suggest that the communication between people is highly involved with sending and
receiving information whih is not provided through words. Personally, I do not know if it is 80%
or 90%, but I certainly believe non-verbal communication comprises well over 50% of the
total provision of information between two people.
Let us review some areas of non-verbal communication.
1. Facial expressions.
2. Proximity to another person; how close or distant we position ourself from another.
3. Touch, and the type of touch (gentle, aggressive, hitting, .
4. Voice expressions, not the words but the tone.
5. The speed at which we speak and the number of decibles used when words are spoken.
5. The eyes. Beyond facial expressions, the eyes are powerful communicators.
6. Orientation. Not only proximity, but whether we face the person or turn our back.
7. Timing. When we say the words that we say.
8. Humor. What we find humurous sends messages to people.
9. Discussion topics. What we choose to discuss and that upon which we focus send messages.
10. Attitude. The manner in which we present ourself.
Certainly many more areas of non-verbal communication could be described. Those listed
above are a simple example...and they are all outward, visual manifestations that one
can observe if one is watchful. But know that there are other methods of non-verbal
communication that are very subtle and not visually observable. For example, there is
research to suggest that people tend to produce certain types of brain waves dependent
upon the person's emotional state, e.g., happy, sad, angry, etc. It may very well be
that when we are in tune with another person we are able to perceive those brain waves.
The point of this discussion is that if you or I wish to become better communicators, we
need to recognize and ultilize non-verbal communication to strengthen the exact message
we wish to send.
However, use of non-verbal communication is not easily done on purpose. Consider the
following.
1. Non-verbal communication will typically not lie. It will not send a completely
false message. You can force your non-verbal to lie a little: You can force yourself
to smile and say words of praise about food just given to you when in fact you really
think it tastes terrible. However, the overall, ongoing message about the food will be
negative. Some sociopaths, criminals, salespersons, politicians and others have learned
to adequately manipulate their non-verbal messages, but for most of us, non-verbal messages
or body language will not lie.
2. Body language requires us to be honest in our communications, unless the person to
whom we are communicating is a 'lost puppy' and wants to believe anything we offer. Such
"puppies" include people in love, people on a purchase binge, people blinded by fanaticism
for religion or politics, and the rest of us who are just stupid and do not pay attention
to what is going on in our own life.
3. Learning body language greatly increases a person's ability to understand the truth.
If you and I learn to understand and attend to non-verbal communication, our ability to
understand other people will be greatly enhanced.
4. Whether we consciously attend to body language or not, we perceive meaning from it.
We began learning to understand and respond to body language when we were in our mother's
womb. As an infant and up thourgh childhood and into adulthood we learned he cues, but
never brought them to the conscious level. All people understand body language. And, if
there is a conflict between the words and the body language the person will be
at least confused, but will most likely believe the non-verbal communication rather than
the words, because body language seldom lies.
5. No single body behavior means exactly the same thing every time. A simple example to
illustrate. You and I meet for the first time and I say to you: "It is nice to meet you."
However, just as I say it is nice to meet you, I frown. If you are paying attention, you
notice my frown and think: "Hum...his words said he likes meeting me, but his body language
said he does not...I wonder which it is?" However, what you do not know is that I ate fast
food just before meeting you and it is giving my stomach fits. When I said it is nice to
meet you, I also felt a sharp stomach pain and, hence, I frowned and winched. So, you
must be careful when interepreting body language. Rely upon the overall message rather
than upon any single non-verbal factor.