This writing is about relationships; about serious, committed relationships or marriage. In this portion of the subject I will offer thoughts about how to remain strong in a relationship.
It is possible to remain strong in a relationship or marriage; and it is possible to recover from difficulties. But it requires a concerted effort.
Want to remain strong? Take heart!!! There is a cure for problems! There is a way to remain strong: FOCUS!
What do I mean? We, meaning many of us, become so involved in caring for the children, managing our job, and hanging out with our friends, providing community service, etc. that we lose focus on the primary reason we are with this person. We lose focus on the primary reason we are with our spouse. We lose focus on why we are together in the first place. We got with that spouse because we love them, we had time with them, we developed a relationship with them, we feel good with them, we get turned on physically, we know who they are and how they feel and what they think and believe. We have similar attitudes, we go do things with them, we spend time with them.
But now, once the relationship becomes committed or the marriage occurs, once the children come, once there are jobs, once there are friends and all those other issues of church or social groups or service clubs, or the ladies aid society, or the ball team, or all those things with which we become involved in our community, or the negative/destructive occur, we lose focus upon the time we need to spend with our spouse.
Many people believe, that once you have developed a relationship and have captured the
heart of the other person to whom you are married, you do not need to spend time and energy on that heart because it is captured and it will be there forever. THAT, MY FRIEND, IS A MYTH!!! That is a fantasy which is not true. Air will go out of the inner tube unless you keep pumping air into that inner tube. Some of you who have read the writing wherein I said that in order to be emotionally strong enough to help others a person must possess emotional strength themselves. If you do not have emotional strength, you canot give it to anyone else.
Therefore, I am telling you that the major reason many relationships collapse, or at least have serious trouble, is because the couple (one or both) is not continuing to put sufficient energy and effort into their relationship. A wise man (President David O. McKay) once said: "A man should court his wife all her life." What he meant is that a couple needs to be putting energy into that relationship and when they are sixty or seventy and have been married forty or fifty years, the relationship will be just as strong as when they were twenty and starting out a relationship. Obviously the time and energy put in after years of marriage may be different
than when just beginning, The point is: Time needs to be invested into the relationship.
If you do not spend time on your primary relationship, you are putting yourself and your spouse
or partner at high risk for marital problems and distractions.
That may mean you must both together or sew together or do yard work together or go fishing together or whatever together. I remember in my first marriage I used to go to fabric stores with my ex-wife and I even sewed to keep that relationship going. She was big into sewing so I went with her. I even sewed her a dress a couple of times, made it all by myself. Neither dress was all that great and she was kind enough to wear each once, but you know I got involved with her interests. A couple can become involved with each other's interests. A couple can also have some personal/private time. However, the couple needs to continue to maintain as best possible the kind of time and relationship, communication, involvement with each other personally that is necessary to maintain that relationship.
Personally, I believe if the couple would do what is necessary, the divorce rate would greatly
decrease. It is also true that there are other significant problems that disrupt marriages.