The Psychotic Doctor

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

My hero is Homer Simpson! That's right...and Bart is the kid every parent wants to have. One thing about Homer: You NEVER had to guess at what he was thinking or feeling. He is honest to a fault...and definitely not politically correct.
Click to see a larger picture.

Oh to live in the land of Tammany Hall. Is Boss Tweed Back? OK..OK...So Tammany Hall was in New York City. But I think they moved to Illinois. Maybe Al Capone invited them over to hang out. Ex-Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was doing his best look-alike of big Al. And now the newly appointed U.S. Sen. Roland Burris from Illinois acknowledges attempting to raise money for ousted Blagojevich. Burris did not bother telling the state House panel that recommended Blagojevich's impeachment about his fund raising activities. BUT THIS ONE IS BETTER THAN ALL THAT FUN: An Illinois man changed his name to "In God We Trust." WHAT??? Does that mean we owe this guy all the bills in our possession??? You gotta love this country....Free Enterprise means you can make it if you try hard. It also means you can fake it if you want to be dumb, stupid, ignorant, a thief and liar, or a politician (which, of course, encompasses the previous two). RIP [by the way...when I Googled "Boss Tweed" a site regarding Donald Trump came up! What's up with that????!!?]