How is your manliness? Have you checked yourself lately? A lot is said about manliness. There are quizzes all over the internet to measure your Man Quotient. Below is our own Manliness Quiz. If you measure up to Doc’s Dad, then you are a real man, my son! (Just sayin’…Doc witnessed all this in person!)
Doc’s Dad: Family Man, Farmer, USAF Mechanic, and a REAL MAN.
Here we go:
A. If the neighbor’s dog comes onto your farm and chases your chickens, you…
- cross the street and politely inform your neighbor of the dog’s naughty behavior.
- chase the dog away and grumble to your wife.
- shoot the dog and bury it out in the back 40.
B. If your dog repeatedly crosses the street and kills the neighbor’s chickens, you…
- shoot your dog.
- beat the dog and grumble to your wife.
- pay for the chickens and hug your dog.
C. If, while in a race with the man claiming to be the fastest corn stalk cutter by hand in the county, in a head to head competition, you slice your foot and bleed profusely, you…
- concede this race and go immediately to the doctor for proper care.
- cuss the competition for causing you to injure yourself.
- use your teeth ripping the sleeve from your shirt as you continue to cut; stuff it in your shoe to stop the bleeding; beat the blow hard at any cost!
D. If you read in Popular Mechanics magazine about a carburetor that will get 100 miles per gallon on your Olsmobile’s big V-8 motor, you…
- skeptically purchase one carb and try it out because you want to be open minded.
- scoff at the article and tell your neighbor (whose dog you just shot): “Some fools will believe anything!”
- buy two carbs, just in case you get another car with a V-8 motor.
E. If you have a pile of wood to chop with your ax, but there is low hanging electric wire just above the wood, you…
- grumble to your wife, asking who the fool was to dump the wood in that location.
- get your kids to toss the pile of wood to a safer location, while giving the kids the “safety first” speech.
- chop anyway. It is only a small wire; probably not even connected to power.
F. If, while chopping the pile of wood, you park the ax into your foot, you recognize that next time you need to…
- wear a heavier pair of boots.
- not worry about blood stains on your sock.
- not swing the ax so high.
- none of the above (THIS ONE SHOULD BE OBVIOUS!).
H. If your old, small farm house burns leaving burned house debris all around the burn area, you…
- Hire a cleaning company to come and correctly remove the debris from the property.
- Invite the local fire department to come and do a practice burn to finish off the job.
- Get your friend with a backhoe to come and dig a 20 foot deep hole on the back of the property and bury all the debris. EPA? Is that a new vegetable seed?
I. If you have a home improvement project to add a room to your house, you…
- Contact the county for the proper building permits.
- Hire a contractor to get the permits because paperwork is Greek to you.
- Permits? You need permits? What are those…..some kind of new fangled food?
J. If you already have three pickup trucks that do not work and your neighbor offers you a fourth, you…
- Decline, saying your wife has been complaining about the junk yard appearance of her yard.
- Tell your neighbor you will fill him in on what happened to his dog if he will give you a deal on the pickup.
- Strike a deal with the neighbor and give the pickup to your 5 year old son. Tell your wife the boy needs a project.
K. You see a road kill rabbit on your way home from work, you…
- consider stopping to pick it up for your dogs, but you do not want to cause a traffic problem.
- contact animal control and complain about the mess.
- remember you still have the dead rabbit you picked up last week in the back floor of your car.
L. There is a pack of dogs (from various neighbors) running at night across your property causing trouble, you…
- call the county animal control and lodge a complaint.
- visit with the neighbors and discuss a control plan for the dogs.
- put out the road kill rabbit at night and wait with your trusty shotgun. The neighbor’s dog needs company.
M. You have just purchased three Greyhound dogs. Your dog, an Alaskan Malamute, is jealous of the new comers. The dogs are growling at each other. Your wife fears the Greyhounds will gang up on the Malamute, you…
- fence the dogs apart so they cannot fight, but close enough to learn to become friends.
- calm your wife’s fears by telling her that dogs just growl, but will never hurt each other.
- smile with pride as the Greyhounds attack the Malamute…and within 15 seconds the fight is over. The Malamute shreds the Greyhounds. NOW…they are friends, or at least they all know who is boss.
N. If you want to take the boys fishing and need some red wriggler worms, you…
- Use plastic worms because fish are stupid and think the plastic is real.
- You know fish are not stupid, so you head for the bait shop and buy a good portion of live wrigglers.
- Screw the bait shop. Get an electric cord; cut off one end and attach each bare wire to a metal rod; stick the rods in the earth; plug the wire into the 110 and watch the fish bait come jumping up out of the ground.
O. If a wind storm blows down a large tree on your property and you need to cut it up with your chainsaw, you…
- remove the pieces of cut wood that fall to your feet to keep firm footing.
- move your cutting position to keep your feet clear of the cut wood to avoid stumbling.
- ignore the mounting pile of cut wood and do your best to balance on top of this pile as you continue to cut.
P. While driving on a narrow winding mountainous road you see ahead on the roadway a single discarded oil rag, you…
- pass by wondering who lost their oil rag.
- wonder if it is your oil rag the neighbor’s dog took, before you planted him in the back 40.
- stop in the roadway to retrieve the rag, traffic can watch out for itself.
Q. You are driving across the Golden Gate Bridge with family when the left rear tire on your car goes flat, you…
- drive slowly and cautiously off the bridge with flasher lights lit until you find a safe place to change the tire.
- increase speed and move quickly among traffic to get off the bridge rapidly before the tire flips off the rim.
- stop on the bridge, obstruct traffic, and change the tire while smiling thanks to all the passing drivers who wave friendly hand gestures.
R. Your friend, who is military police on the Air Force Base where you work, calls to tell you the local police have an APB out on your sixteen year old son and are looking for him because of vehicle misbehavior, you…
- call the local police to determine what the son has done and plead for leniency.
- become angry and determine to ground the son from use of the car for six months.
- when the son arrives home, unapprehended with the car, you laugh because he was not caught.